A Parody of Beloved Carols
by Leedle-leedle-lee
Summary: The Twelve Days of Christmas and Carol of the Bells had been turned into two parodies.   To quote:   "One seems to fear  men with red beards,  pieces of Tri-Force,  and oddly green pores."
1. The Twelve Days of Christmas, 2010

**Here's something that came into my head! Be afraid!**

**I own nothing you know, of course.**

**So far, this hasn't happened to me. **

* * *

_Oh, the first thing at Christmas my mommy screamed at me:_

STOP PLAYING THAT VIDEO GAME!

_Oh, the two things at Christmas my mommy screamed at me:_

YOU'RE NOT A HYLIAN!  
AND STOP PLAYING THAT STUPID VIDEO GAME!

_Oh, the three things at Christmas my mommy screamed at me:_

I'M A CUCCO?  
YOU'RE NOT HYLIAN!  
AND STOP PLAYING THAT VIDEO GAME!

_Oh the four things at Christmas my mommy screamed at me:_

YOU'RE WHINING 'BOUT LINK!  
I'M A CUCCO?  
YOU'RE NOT HYLIAN!  
AND STOP PLAYING THAT VIDEO GAME!

_Oh, the five things at Christmas my mommy screamed at me:_

WHAT ARE RE-DEADS?  
YOU'RE WHINING 'BOUT LINK!  
I'M A CUCCO?  
YOU'RE NOT HYLIAN!  
AND STOP PLAYING THAT VIDEO GAME!

_Oh, the six things at Christmas my mommy screamed at me:_

GOING KEESE SLAYING?  
WHAT ARE RE-DEADS?  
YOU'RE WHINING 'BOUT LINK!  
I'M A CUCCO?  
YOU'RE NOT HYLIAN!  
AND STOP PLAYING THAT VIDEO GAME!

_Oh, the seven things at Christmas my mommy screamed at me:_

WE DON'T LIVE IN HYRULE!  
GOING KEESE SLAYING?  
WHAT ARE RE-DEADS?  
YOU'RE WHINING 'BOUT LINK!  
I'M A CUCCO?  
YOU'RE NOT HYLIAN!  
AND STOP PLAYING THAT VIDEO GAME!

_Oh, the eight thigns at Christmas my mommy screamed at me:_

NOT RELATED TO ZELDA!  
WE DON'T LIVE IN HYRULE!  
GOING KEESE SLAYING?  
WHAT ARE RE-DEADS?  
YOU'RE WHINING 'BOUT LINK!  
I'M A CUCCO?  
YOU'RE NOT HYLIAN!  
AND STOP PLAYING THAT VIDEO GAME!

_Oh, the nine things at Christmas my mommy screamed at me:_

DON'T CARE 'BOUT SARIA'S PASSING!  
NOT RELATED TO ZELDA!  
WE DON'T LIVE IN HYRULE!  
GOING KEESE SLAYING?  
WHAT ARE RE-DEADS?  
YOU'RE WHINING 'BOUT LINK!  
I'M A CUCCO?  
YOU'RE NOT HYLIAN!  
AND STOP PLAYING THAT VIDEO GAME!

_Oh, the ten things at Christmas my mommy screamed at me:_

WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'MASTER SWORD'?  
DON'T CARE 'BOUT SARIA'S PASSING!  
NOT RELATED TO ZELDA!  
WE DON'T LIVE IN HYRULE!  
GOING KEESE SLAYING?  
WHAT ARE RE-DEADS?  
YOU'RE WHINING 'BOUT LINK!  
I'M A CUCCO?  
YOU'RE NOT HYLIAN!  
AND STOP PLAYING THAT VIDEO GAME!

_Oh, the eleven things at Christmas my mommy screamed at me:_

YOU CAN'T FINISH THE TEMPLE!  
WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'MASTER SWORD'?  
DON'T CARE 'BOUT SARIA'S PASSING!  
NOT RELATED TO ZELDA!  
WE DON'T LIVE IN HYRULE!  
GOING KEESE SLAYING?  
WHAT ARE RE-DEADS?  
YOU'RE WHINING 'BOUT LINK!  
I'M A CUCCO?  
YOU'RE NOT HYLIAN!  
AND STOP PLAYING THAT VIDEO GAME!

_Oh, the twelve things Christmas my mommy screamed at me:_

SHUT UP ABOUT TWILI!  
YOU CAN'T FINISH THE TEMPLE!  
WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'MASTER SWORD'?  
DON'T CARE 'BOUT SARIA'S PASSING!  
NOT RELATED TO ZELDA!  
WE DON'T LIVE IN HYRULE!  
GOING KEESE SLAYING?  
WHAT ARE RE-DEADS?  
YOU'RE WHINING 'BOUT LINK!  
I'M A CUCCO?  
YOU'RE NOT HYLIAN!  
_AND STOP PLAYING THAT VIDEO GAME!_

* * *

**Merry Christmas, people. Merry Christmas.**


	2. Carol of the Bells, 2010

**I own nothing you know, of course.**

* * *

Dark are the tunnels,  
The deep under-tunnels,  
infested with rats  
and the weird bats.

Dark-Link is here,  
showing a leer,  
to Link, the bold  
not yet that old.

Bing gong, ring dong!  
That is the song  
Of people overhead  
And Zelda's empty head.

One seems to fear  
men with red beards,  
pieces of Tri-Force,  
and green pores.

Oh how they sound  
fighting across the ground.  
Hear the clinking of mail  
echo in the jail.

Dark-Link tries to throttle  
while people hobble  
from there to here,  
to Telma's for beer.

Save, save, save, save Hyrule!  
Save, save, save, save Hyrule!

On, on they fight,  
on in fading light.  
One with bad intent,  
The other nearly spent.

Dark are the tunnels,  
the nasty under-tunnels,  
infested with rats  
and the weird bats.

Bing gong, ring... Do-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ong!

* * *

**Merry Christmas, people. Merry Christmas.**


End file.
